As you may or may not know I lost my mum to cancer in March this year and as I go through this time of grief I can say that as much as it hurts, it is the hurt from others that makes it harder to deal with than just my own.
Do you grieve for you or for everyone else?
It may seem strange to say, but this experience has allowed me to feel how much we are impacted by how we are ‘expected’ to feel. I cannot tell you how many women have approached me and told me how I will feel, how long this will take, how I will never feel the same again… I have had to keep very curious about if this is my sadness or theirs? Do you ever ask is this my feeling or am I just taking on someone else’s, captivating story?
But there have also been some amazing connections. I can only compare it to the out pouring of love you get when you have a child of your own. It connects you to others in a basic human way – nothing need to be said – just the pureness of a new life. The same can be said when we say goodbye to another human spirit. It connects us. I have been overwhelmed by the lengths people have gone to, to show their love and compassion for me and for my family.
It has been very humbling and in many ways has allowed me to accept help. A new adventure for me. As when my mother was alive she played that role and at her death I have been surprised by how other humans want to go that bit further and reach out to you. To bother. Really bother.
I have been humbled to feel so loved…
I just wanted to share with you, to say that there are times when you can experience something truly wonderful, through something you desperately wouldn’t choose…
Would I choose to have my mum back? In a heartbeat. But am I going to get on and live my life to the best I can from now one – you bet my life I will.
I owe her that.