When you need to become your own mother... - Kerry Hales - Life Coach

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When you need to become your own mother…

March 23, 2018

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This has become a very real thing for me.  And as I am learning I realise the connection to self love is very attached to how you were mothered.  Or not.

My mother’s mother – my maternal grandmother suffered from post natal depression, and was ‘treated’ for years for until she could bear it no more.  My mother was ten.  Her father was left with three children, my mother being the oldest.  He couldn’t cope grieving for his wife. And then…

My mother was left with her two younger brothers.  That was the end of her parental love.  Her last memories of her mother are of going to school leaving her sitting in the chair in the living room and returning home with her still sitting in the same place.

My memories of my mother and how she shared her love for us, were very different from what she experienced.  I grew up with a mother who needed to be needed because of her upbringing.  We brought her the love she craved from her parents.  I wonder how different my children will describe how they feel about my love for them when they are grown…

When my mother died three years ago, I realised that although I was very independent, and confident I had never learnt to love me and look after me. I think this is probably because I never saw my mother every put herself first, so why should I… I liked who I was and I knew how to survive in life, but as for understanding who I was and what made each day joyful I hadn’t thought about.  Because I never needed to know…  and I am grateful in one hand and saddened at the same time.  It may have been her upbringing or it could just have been the generation she lived in.   I also think when we are comfortable with life we do not grow.  We grow when we need to learn and when you have someone there making it all ok.  You stay there.

It is comfortable.  Or you are comfortable in your own uncomfortableness…

So as I write this today I am on a new journey.  One where I learn to love who I am and when I am not feeling right I learn to love me instead of berating me.  Hating me for not being the bigger, better brighter version of me.  Learning to love the simple things in life that I love and that can be found everywhere in every moment.  No matter where I am or who I am with.

Learning to love myself like a mother is the most powerful self love there is.  And this mum isn’t going anywhere…

So today, post mothers day when the focus becomes on the external version of her.  I want you my dear reader to ask yourself – if you were the best mother in the world for you…the ultimate in self love, what do you need to stop doing and start doing today to show it?


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