There are things we search for and spend time on that we love and enjoy and these in turn enhance our lives. Many of them. And to each of us these are very personal, yet we can get swept away with external influences and soon they become our ‘norm’.
Today I want to talk about what that is for you? Over the past few years I have found more and more time spending time watching other versions of ‘stuff’ to fill a void in my life. Since my mum passed it has been a strange new world for me in so many ways and I am still feeling very vulnerable.
During my life with my mother she was a guiding force, a strength that was there. A watched this video and it reminded me of what that feeling is like for me and no wonder that I felt the loss so significantly…
And so I found myself at times consciously filling this void with creative endeavours and increased love from new friends and hobbies. As the patterns of friendships in place had already found their groove – I had to find my new groove. I do feel that this is a time of growth personally which I wasnt expecting at all. I hadn’t given any thought to what it would feel like not to have a ‘go to’ in so many ways. It has been a huge learning for me.
I had been in a wonderful relationship of forty five years but it had also left me inept in trusting me.
I had always had the external support that allowed me to find strength outside of me. I was trained in getting over it really efficiently after I had touched base with an external love. A trusted source. Her.
If she still loved me, even when I was failing then it couldn’t be that bad… could it?
And for the wonder that was my mother’s love it left me disabled in many ways. I was a loose canon. Where did I go?
I looked externally for the answers…
And although ‘hugging yourself’ is kinda weird, the answers I needed were only going to be available to me inside. The unconditional love I had in my mother was now only available in one form. From inside of me. From connecting to a larger force. To a reason for being here. For a stronger sense of being here and what my role is in life. That the time of external love was now gone and now was my time to find it in me.
I found a strength in the wisdom accumulated in my personal development journey, but in essence it is to be still with my mind… Letting the thoughts go free so I can hear what the inner voice tells me. I know it sounds bloody hard and believe me in a world full of stuff that is made specifically to feed our minds, it does take discipline and courage to say ‘No’ I do not watch tv. No I choose not to watch the news or read magazines and try in to minimise my time being available to these external voices. Turning the volume down on the ‘stuff’ allows the volume from the inside to be heard.
I know I am highly susceptible and are very easily influenced (hypnotised by Paul McKenna to save the world from a flooding wall no less…) and therefore I need to be ulta aware of when I am being led. Still there are times when my partner will ask a very obvious question regarding my actions and I find myself out of alignment… through following an external influence and not my own… and I am super aware!
Meditating reminds me of how active my mind is and if I let it, it gains authority over what I do and to be honest… that is never a good thing. NEVER. So in this practice I am reminded to be still and to trust the wisdom beyond the words. There are many ways you can do this but for me it is starting with the understanding of how and why we meditate and what this means for you. To connect with that calm space within that will connect you with unconditional love that ultimately is bigger than you.
It may be meditating, running, crocheting, sport, chanting, walking… it can be anything… just make it YOUR anything!
Love to you,
Remember I am here. Coaching you on staying accountable to being the YOU you know you can be! Book a call with me to talk about who you REALLY are!
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